epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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