ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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