yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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