Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
