How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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