I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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