So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
