He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
