We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
