they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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