I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
