I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
