TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
