Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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