My friends, they love my intelligence
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
