i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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