Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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