i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
