i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
