Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
