whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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