neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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