Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
