dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
