i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
