I accidentally had phone sex last night
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
