My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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