You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
