This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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