Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
