You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize