hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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