Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
