My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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