I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
