chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
whose parrot is this?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
