And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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