Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Randomize
