im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
someone threw a dead crab at me
I hate all girls vehemently.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
