Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
