my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
