Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
