i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
