So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
