clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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