all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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