Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
