He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
