Ambien. No doubt about it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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