While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
