this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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