Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize