ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Found the puke drawer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
