I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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