My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
