Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
