dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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