Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
