I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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