does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
