Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
