So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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