I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
