she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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