You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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