Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
