Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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