i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
