I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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