i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My ass is underappreciated
I just gargled with NyQuil
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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