Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
