i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
