apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
