wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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