I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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