What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
