I'm really into asian looking animals
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
