sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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