At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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