I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
