if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
