we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
