It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have post one night stand depression
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
