i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize