a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
