I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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