it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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