I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
