Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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