There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
