it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone came in the potted fern
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
