you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
