the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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