the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
