It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize