How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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